Within Family Guy/Citas (2023)

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Lois: Is... is that your line?

crisis: I don't think so... um, I don't think so.

StewieMission: I... sorry, whose line is this?

Gary: Cut! That was Peter's line. Where is Peter?

[Peter enters the room]

Pedro:Sorry, I was in my trailer eating nuts and smoking.

Lois: Well, being in a family that also stars in a sitcom together is certainly not easy. Especially last year when I spotted these nude photos of this eighteen year old intern on Peter's cell phone, but he explained that his phone number was the old number of...er...his ex-boyfriend, so...what was that? once again? ... So the cloud. That's how it is. Well, the photos were in the cloud and the... the... the cloud took the photos, uh... I mean, even though the photos weren't sent directly to him and... that's why does he have them and we both called the apple store and they said they can't refute it's not happening and just like that, here we are. Still married. Still on the show... and... and it's happened five times since... some of the photos show both Peter and the girl.

Pedro: Oh yeah. It's cool to do the show with your family, because what guy doesn't want to go into his office and have his family there? You know, and then after work you go home and meet the family,[becomes increasingly depressed as he continues speaking]and then uh... same thing the next day. I'm just trying to get through the weekend so you can, uh... spend time with the family... Isn't that the dream?

James Wald: It's not just the Griffins that work hard to make somethingfamily manwhat is it. Here in the props department, a sweaty guy works on the Petercopter.

sweaty boy: That's how it is. You know, a lot of people don't realize that SEAL Team Six actually completed their mission with that pup.

[Cut to SEAL Team Six's assassination missionosama bin laden]

Osama: Ach genial,family man! Here! I'm down here!

Cenagal: Look, don't get me wrong folks. I find it hilarious... and I totally understand that the subject of sex has endeared me, but... would it kill us just once to tell a joke that brings glory to God?

Pedro: You know I'm only hard on you because I hate you, right?

Mega: Dad refuses to interact with any actors on set. Just try out helium balloons with crudely drawn faces.

[cut to Peter showing a balloon drawing of Lois and Meg strapped to walkie-talkies]

Pedro: I'm sorry Meg, but you're grounded.

Mega:[via Walky Talky]But dad, the prom is tonight, it's over.

Lois:[via Walky Talky]You hear your father, Meg, over.

[A wheelchair with a globe and a walkie-talkie for Joe appears in the doorway]

José:Peter, are you ready to go over to the Drunken Clam?

Stewie: The fat man's behavior has deteriorated over time... and I think someone called the network anonymously about it.

[cut to Stewie making a high-pitched voice on the phone]

Stewie: You have no idea how bad it is here! He screams and screams and makes a V with his fingers and then licks it off like "luh-luh-luh-luh-luh" which I think is dirty! Please do something! And if possible, I'd appreciate a "Master Chef" t-shirt.

Brian: The word on stage is that the decision has finally been made to fire Peter and replace him with another actor.

Lois: And this time it is permanent. Not like when we killed Brian for a few episodes so he could make that shitty movie. What... what was that?

Brian: It was a remake ofold screamerwhere the dog falls on him and kills him first.

[Cut to Brian's Old Yeller movie where Travis is about to shoot Brian]

Travis: I'm sorry.

Brian:[points a gun at Travis]i don't feel it[shoots Travis]

[cut to Brian]

Brian: You miscalculated the number of dogs buying movie tickets.

crisisIt's actually pretty uncomfortable. I mean, dad is the only one in the whole production who doesn't know he's getting fired.

Mega: But you'll find out tomorrow at the reading table.

[Adam West walks by dressed as Batman and climbs up a rope]

Adam Westen: This is how we did it. I bet you didn't know.

Gary: Well, everyone. Welcome to the reading chart for this week's episode entitled Peter Dies. We mean business. No joke. He's dead and he'll never come back."

Pedro: Oh, and there are other sites. You have to convert them. Here, let me show you.

Gary: Interior: Griffin's sitting room, day. Brian, Meg and Chris are watching TV, Lois comes in annoyed.

Lois: Guys, I have terrible news. Your father is dead. He was shot in the head in the suicide. I guess he had his demons and his enemies.

Pedro: Wait, I'm... I'm what? Oh.. oh I know Stewie will turn on his time machine and undo this.

Gary: Stewie eintr.

Stewie: Brian, bad news. My time machine has a virus that will kill Dad again if it's ever used.

Pedro: Well, you know what? I bet that's all Chris' dream.

crisis: wow! I'm wide awake.

Pedro:Okay, but... there's no way this is real. You would have to get someone to replace me.

Gary: Uncle Ricky, played by Comedy Vulture,David Espadabelongs in

David Espada: Hello everyone.

Family: Uncle Ricky!

David Espada: Hi folks, called a period of time. You want an item back.

[everybody is laughing]

crisis: Aw, do we have to go to Dad's funeral? Let's play Uncle Ricky instead.

Gary: The family applauds. You don't miss Peter.

Garys Partner:Sorry Peter, but the production can't handle all your nonsense anymore. we let you go

Pedro: Oh please. Do not do that! Please give me one more chance!

Garys Partner:[sighs]good OK

PedroFuck off!

Garys Partner: Very good, that's all! You're fired!

James Wald: welcome back toinner family type. I'm your host and angel investor of The Fappening, James Woods.

[A guy rides a cut out jaw, with a Jupiter accessory wearing a kippah]

Chico: This is Planet Jew-piter and I could say "Next year is my Star Mitzvah!"

Live Studio Bouquet: Haha!

Pedro: Hey, did I get mail?

Hotelmanager: Yes, your death threatsgrinwere returned.

Pedro: Well, has the Shamrock Shake period been extended?

Lois: I have to admit that shooting a show without Peter is a bit strange. It just doesn't feel right.

Stewie: I will especially miss the role of the fat man with the audience where he fires the shirt's cannon at his own head. You know he once tried to rob a store with that thing?

[cut to Peter robbing a store with a t-shirt gun]

Pedro: All right, everyone on the floor! Clear the record!

Chico: Please dont do this!

Pedro: Oh yeah? wanna be a hero This happens to heroes!

[He fires a t-shirt at the guy.]

Pedro: Anyone else want to be a hero?

another boy: Ouch! Me! Me! Me! Here! Here!

Pedro: The fact is I've grown too big for my panties, but now I know that...I'm nothing without you all.

Stewie: Oh, that's nice of you to say that.

Pedro: Thanks Stewie I can understand.

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